Author’s Notes:
I drew inspiration for this flash fiction from supernatural vampire novels but from the mundane perspective of a millennial who care more about the income than the blood. My inspiration came from all the articles that suggested donating plasma as a way to make quick money–so I used the satirical technique of hyperbole to turn it up a level. I’m sure in a world where vampires actually exist, there would be people who’d feel this came about it.
I’m sure working for you will be a better experience.
This piece was published in the spring of 2018 (volume 6, issue 2) of Quiver, Knox College’s genre fiction magazine. (It’s not to be confused with Knox’s other literary pubs, Catch and Cellar Door.)
I don’t see myself entering a career of writing vampire flash fiction. However, I do love writing speculative fiction, and I look forward to a lifetime of doing so.
It Pays Better Than Minimum Wage
Being a vampire’s blood bag can be draining, but it pays well. I drive after midnight to my client’s location. Sometimes, it’s a three-story Victorian kept by one vampire throughout the generations. Other times, it’s an apartment that lost its safety deposit from the suspicious red splatter on the wall. In my own work, I advise my client not to get too messy.
From there, I sink into a comfy couch chair, lay my wrist upwards, and allow the vamp to sip up my hand. If they’re a good vampire, they provide cookies, a cold juice, and a 15% tip. As long as they don’t creep on me about wanting to turn me or make me their thrall, I wave at them on the way out with my non-bitten hand.
My friends get grossed out. Over coffee, they ask why I let some creature tear my arm open. I tell them it’s like donating your plasma. Instead of a needle, it’s fangs. It also sucks less than working retail.